chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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