im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
