you guys were way drunker than both of me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize