so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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