so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
