and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
