I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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