Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
