im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
