so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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