don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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