I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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