i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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