RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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