She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
