Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
