at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
