No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
