I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
