You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
