ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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