i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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