did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
