Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
