I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
