dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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