Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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