I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
