If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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