I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
