why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
