Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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