Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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