WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
