Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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