He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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