Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
