Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
