I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
