Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
