your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
