After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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