Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
