Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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