You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
