At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
