Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
