His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
