3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
