I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
where are my eyebrows?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
