so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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