she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
