i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
