can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
