Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
