How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
