I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
