so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
God, I missed his penis.
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