bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
