Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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