my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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