we have officially lost it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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