five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
