did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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