Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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