hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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