addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
