I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
