There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I need to stop coming to work sober
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
3pm strippers are depressing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
