are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
