just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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