I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
