also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
