im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
