Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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