Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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