Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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