Can Purell be used as lube?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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