in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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