who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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