Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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