I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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