I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
