Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
