i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
