IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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