we have officially lost it.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
