what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
