the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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