Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
