My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize