i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
