she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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