If i come over, it means nothing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
