everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
