Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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