I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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