plz talk dirty to me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
