you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
