...so i touched it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
40s are totally the cure
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
