That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
