I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
