We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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