My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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