Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize