Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
