So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
