So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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