OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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