Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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