i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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