After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
